"WTF is this!? RAP!!!??!??!"

my relationship w/ tool is a precarious one, b/c on one hand, i sort of like them, but on the other, they bore the tits off me. and i say this as someone who's an avid admirer of miles davis' late '60s/early '70s 30-minute-long excursions into funk drenched, proto-fusion-metal (seriously, "rated x" is heavier than anything black sabbath's ever done)-- so don't think i can't appreciate long tracks, b/c i do; in fact, i prefer songs to be over 8:00 mins. i want to feel as if i've gotten my money's worth, or that i've at least spent quality time downloading (not illegally, b/c i would never do that-- ever). it's just that tool has turned into the pink floyd of metal, which, really, isn't a good thing. don't get me wrong-- i love a lot of their stuff, but the majority of that shit is off their first two albums. they've been in a rut for the past ten years, which, i guess, is why metalheads like them so much (metalheads being the notoriously conservative and drab lot that they are, although nowhere near as conservative and predictable as punk rockers). but maynard went and did something i thought was impossible: he made an album a million times more boring than lateralus-- a perfect circle's 13th step. so it was at that point, somewhere in the early aughties, that my interest in all things tool quietly died, my love for the first two albums heartily withstanding. but con sarnit if maynard didn't go and totally redeem hisself and make something of interest w/ "side project #2," puscifer.

exhibit #1:



"queen b.," aka, "the sound of midwestern metalheads freaking the fuck out cuz maynard went all gay and country disco!!!1 and wtf kinda name is gaynard anyway? whatever happened to good old fashioned names like DAVE and RICHARD?"

typically, the humor is totally lost on the audience. how can you not find the ironic humor in "this lovely lady's got the thickness/can i get a witness?"? oh, that's right: you can be a metalhead.

and here's a commercial for puscifer's album, v is for vagina, aka, exhibit #2:



holy fuck, it's like maynard, mike patton, and jim goad got together and smacked out a mean collab before smacking out each other. consider me stoked. now, if maynard would just leave those old dinosaurs in tool.

linked from metalsucks, aka, metalheadsarehumorlessumtools.com.