are you fucking kidding me w/ this!?

well, goddamn it.

my hands literally hit my face in disbelief when i heard this on the radio a minute ago.

seriously. jesus christ.

nicely done

his holiness, el jobso (the honorable, the beneficent), has unleashed the new iphone upon us and i have to say, i'm impressed. i never really wanted iphone 1.0, as i've never been big on phones and i was more taken w/ the ipod touch, but iphone 2.0 looks very promising. seems apple really listened to the gripes people were making about the old phone and stepped up operations. so let's make a little rundown:

3G
SDK and tons of third-party apps
GPS
yes, games
supposedly much more efficient battery life
supposedly 36% faster page loads
24 hours of audio playback
5 hours of 3G talk
7 hours of video playback

and, best of all, way fucking cheaper than iphone 1.0. $200(!) for the 8GB model and $300 for the white 16GB model. the latter isn't too painful and much better than the $500 fucking pricetag for the first phone.

things we learned in the fire

so what did the race between hillz and bamz show us? what did we learn?

1. the american left really is as petty and vindictive as conservatives have been saying it is
2. there is, for myriad reasons, an extraordinary amount of hostility and resentment between white american feminists and minorities
3. political ideologues will, in fact, cut off their noses to spite their faces

three things i've always sort of suspected and now i have google cache upon google cache of evidence to back up, should i ever feel the need to point it out. but hey, just look up salon, jezebel, huffington post, daily kos, etc. and amuse/repulse/see for yourself.

FUCKED

break out a fiddle cuz we're fucked.

i fucking knew it

jesus christ, some people will just never learn, will they? that dusty dinosaur, erica jong, is at it again w/ her whole "you're just sexist" cant. gee, it was only a few weeks ago that she penned a weak-ass, bullshit fucking call for unity amongst the fractured left. so what's she blubbering about now? what do you think? that's right: any and everyone who didn't support hillary clinton is sexist. i wasn't aware i was sexist, but shit goddamn it, i'm kind of sick and fucking tired of being thought of as such because i happen to disagree w/ senator clinton's track record. is that allowed? evidently not. you see, because it's impossible to disagree w/ senator clinton on anything-- her vote for the war, her attitue toward iran and the kyle-lieberman bill, the scores of jobs lost in new york because of her, etc-- because, you see, when you examine it, disagreeing w/ her is really about your hatred of women. is that right? guess i hate women, then. somebody call the fucking thought police on my thuggish, half-black, women-hating ass. iz jus votin for barack because wez niggras are plottin' to take ova, pop some caps, and pimp some hoes. QFT, playa!

please, erica jong is the harry belafonte of feminism. is this what it's come to? also, i love all the bullshit at bullshit sites like jezebel where the commentards always go "listen, i don't want to play oppression olympics or anything . . . " and then go on to do exactly that. way to be insightful. how's that cognitive dissonance treating you at night? all right, so sexism wins the dick-sizing contest: it's much worse for women than it is for darkies. i get it. it's so obvious now, what, w/ him getting the nomination. your worst fears have been confirmed. now what? secession? move to vermont, form a new nation and elect senator clinton as pontifex maximus. then declare war on all perceived sexists-- after all, they're evil.

go bamz

you did it, dude. please don't turn into another asshole politician. you've made something of a believer out of this apathetic 27-year-old.

sincerely,
your supporter, aaron G

p.s., i think it'd behoove you to have hillz as your running mate, just because it'd be kind of (and by "kind of" i mean totally) fun to watch all of her supporters who've dissed you from the outset eat their own political shit. just sayin'.

p.p.s. um, that's just my jaded way of saying it'd be good for uniting the party and all that.

"but i LIKE pointing my finger!"

why are blogutards having such conniptions over tatum o'neal's lame excuse to the cops when she got busted w/ crack? what, have they never given lame excuses when they've gotten into trouble for something? oh, that's right-- of course not. blogutards don't make mistakes; how silly of me.

is this whole gossip blogging thing dead yet? i mean, i don't have a fucking clue what paris hilton is up to these days; i haven't heard about her in months. i admit i'm pretty much over the incessant finger wagging and armchair moralizing that goes on in the blogutard blogosphere. all of these anonymous people pointing fingers and condemning everyone's every move is just-- ugh. okay, i get it: hollywood is "weird," lindsay lohan is a "skank," tom cruise is a "freak," george clooney is "gay" and that's his "beard," and, OMG, is that a baby bump!? blah blah blah blah-- jesus christ, it's the same fucking shit every fucking day.

but back to tatum o'neal. so she made a lame excuse when she got pinched. i probably would've done the same thing. so fucking what? getting arrested is a jarring experience and the mind works in weird ways when jarred. it's been kind of frustrating to read all the busy body commenters in the various blogs having moral outrages over this, as if they've never done anything stupid. but so it goes w/ blogutards. the whole phenomenon of blogging, commenting, youtube, and web 2.0 in general is a prime example of how human behavior is rarely, if ever, logical. especially in groups.

dear santogold:

from nymag:

. . . and though it’s very possible you might not even know her name, you may be familiar with her work. She’s written tracks for Ashlee Simpson; had her music piped over scenes in Grey’s Anatomy; and done commercials for Bud Light Lime and Converse (that one was with Julian Casablancas of the Strokes). And when she spoke to me, she said she might do a project with Ford (a deal her publicist later said never materialized). It’s the kind of market-savvy, Me-generation career trajectory that would likely make anyone who still frequents record stores recoil in disgust—and White couldn’t care less.

“It’s a little weird, but at the same time, let’s say I make a deal with Target—knowing how many people shop at Target? It’s not like I’m writing a song about Target. It’s more like—Target’s onboard to help me sell records? That’s great.”

And as she points out, it’s just the way the industry works these days. “Everybody wants you to sell a lot of records, but it’s not considered a failure if you don’t. The record labels know that most of the money nowadays is made in licensing. On MTV, their whole approach is to put your songs in their programming now—they’re even [looking into] some new technology, like TiVo, that will record the music played on a show and then give you the option to purchase it. So where before it might have been, ‘Oh, you’re gonna sell out?,’ now it’s how we make our money.”

hypothetically speaking, if i illegally downloaded music, i would feel zero guilt about downloading yours. zero. you've cleared my conscience. hypothetically speaking, of course; if i did that sort of thing. because, really, how much would my $9.99 through itunes mean to you when compared to that fat check you got from target or from nike or abc? yeah, not a lot whole lot.

just something to think about.

dear sarah larson:

hi.

i know (sort of) what you're going through. i, too, was once dumped. an ex literally wrote me a letter and handed it over and was like, "um, yeah, so it's been nice" and then, not even a week later, she and all her (and some of mine) stuff were gone. no idea that one was coming, but in hindsight, i should've seen it hurtling toward me. i know you're reeling and you're probably thinking he'll see the error of his ways, but i'm sorry to say, he probably won't. my ex was married within, like, six months of us breaking up and your situation involves george clooney and, well, what else needs to be said about that, right?

listen, his name is george. he's old. that's an old guy's name. your last name would've rhymed w/ "gooney"-- you don't want that. i know, i know-- the $$$. the fame. the sojourns to st. tropez. it's still doable. but not w/ him, he's old. wouldn't you rather have a young man? and really, he's not talented. truly, he's not. he plays himself in every role. that's not exciting! anyone can do that. take little old me, for example. i'm talented. and i'm young-- two years your junior. i have time yet to accrue resources and i will do it w/ my skills and my charm. you're a stunningly gorgeous woman and according to this infamous pictures of you, you're fun! i'm fun, too. and young and charming and talented and handsome. i'm no george clooney, but you have to be wary of guys like him. women throw themselves at him and you know that sooner or later he's going to yield. i wouldn't cheat on you. you're so cute-- how could i? unless you're really dumb, then, sorry, but that's a dealbreaker. you don't seem dumb to me, though. yeah, he's famous and a movie star, but clearly a loser. and i think we all know who george is really in love with.

useful idiot

so, some tool who works for hp posted a picture of himself cutting birthday cake w/ a macbook air he received as a gift (oh, i'm sorry, "gift"). i guess he wanted to show how ridiculous the macbook air is by being able to cut cake w/ it? that's what his intent was, i'm sure, and i'm sure he thinks he's majorly cool or something because of it. however, reality paints a different picture. what this really shows is that 1. apple did exactly what it set out to do in creating an extremely thin, lightweight notebook. it is so thin and lightweight, in fact, that it can be used to cut cake. and 2. this tool, rahul sood, is such a privileged, spoiled douche that he's able to waste a $1,800 notebook computer-- a computer that scores of people would love to have, but would take months of work to be able to acquire-- within minutes of receiving it.

nice. you're smooth, dude. a winner.