oh boy. yes, that's right: everyone's favorite overrated indie flick of yore has scored itself a sequel. donnie darko 2: s. darko will showcase the travails of donnie's young sister samantha darko, whilst she traipses 'cross the country on a road trip to l.a. and "experiences visions."
could i even make this up?
insert lame joke about doubting one's commitment to sparkle motion here. hey, wasn't seth rogen in donnie darko? he was that vanilla ice-style bad kid's friend. just for the fun of it: a director on the same level of suck as richard kelly: darren aronofsky.
i liked donnie darko when i, along w/ ten other people, saw it in the theatre during its initial run, but the more i watched it on dvd the more it became obvious the movie presaged the age of lost: psuedoprofundity in the worst way. it's the sort of movie where people ask if you "get" it, but there's nothing to "get." it's the sort of movie that allows people to feel really smart, which is one of the reasons why i find this sequel-- and its attendant outrage-- so goddamn hilarious. richard kelly is a hack who lucked out and was able to pull the wool over a lot of people's eyes. good for him. tragically, though, his luck ran out w/ the toilet bomb that was southland tales (one of the dumbest names of any movie in the history of the medium; does this not make you think of duck tales?), so that sucks for him. supposedly, though, kelly has zero involvement w/ s. darko (omg, that name!) and maybe this non-involvement will do something for his credibility. at this point, he can only go up, right?
so what other movies could benefit from a "sequelizing"? here are a few nominations:
memento 2: it's all coming back: there's just a wealth of potential here, as leonard, forever locked into a groundhog day-style groove, keeps picking persons to pin his wife's murder on. but methinks the sequel should take place in nashvegas, where leonard has secured work as a music production studio gofer, eventually falling in w/ a bad bunch of strung-out country musicians.
no country for old men 2: friendos till the endo: this one will pick up right where the first left off, a la karate kid, pt. II. anton, hobbling and bloodied from his accident, will murder and thieve his way to corpus christi where he'll meet a pretty lil' lady and get suckered into accompanying her to church (damn that vagina!). there, he'll undergo a crisis of faith and question his bloodthristy ways till he realizes, shit, god is a murderous freak, too, and if merely being clean is next to godliness then this whole murderin' thing ain't so bad after all. seeing the tightness of his logic, his gf (played by amy adams) now accompanies him and the two embark on a mickey-n-mallory-style cross country rampage.
once: twice: our indie sweethearts, Guy and Girl, will reunite in paris one fateful weekend and finally consummate their intensely intimate relationship. but soon, real life sets in and, to pay the bills, Girl takes on a pop tart persona whilst Guy grudgingly crafts formulaic pop tunes. the stress of selling out, and the subsequent fame, takes its toll and both begin to stray, only to realize, finally, their undying love and lust for each other. the film culminates at the grammys, where Guy and Girl win a grammy for their comeback album, only to have Girl rudely interrupted when trying to give her acceptance speech. what-evs!
speed II: cruise control: forget keanu-- let us focus on sandy b. but this time, she'll be on a boat and i'm thinking jason patric and-- wait, what? for reals? jesus christ.
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