tractate it

i just finished reading philip k. dick's valis. fuck. i'm not even going to try to summarize that shit, save to say that it's like that one night when i smoked weed that was, unbeknownst to me, laced w/ angel dust (in which i saw a pink elephant, not a pink laser, alas). pkd is often called a science fiction writer, and while valis has vague elements of the genre, it's more accurate to think of it as a hallucinogenic fever dream. set in orange county.

good, good stuff. best book i've read in years, by far. but then, i have a soft spot for art that tries to capture that elusive drug-induced hallucinogenic state. call it my bid for nostalgia. from now on, whenever bizarre shit goes down, i'm going to declare it "all valis."

more video nostalgia

that "jessie" video got me in the mood for some '90s rock vids.

for your viewing/listening pleasure:



alice in chains: "would?"
this video always reminds me of the big bear/landers earthquake.



soundgarden: "rusty cage"
he's a bit of a douche now, but chris cornell, for a time, was a songsmith to be reckoned w/. this is definitely one of the funnest songs to play on guitar. and on bass. and drums. and to sing.



kyuss: "green machine"
blues for the red sun was another teenage staple. "capsized," despite being less than a minute in length, is one of the most beautiful songs ever. this video always reminds me of skating in huntington beach.



candlebox: "you"
stfu, this song is awesome.



afghan whigs: "debonair"
one of the rare videos that doesn't seem gay ten years later.



therapy?: "screamager"
the day-glo instruments give this a bit of an '80s feel.



porno for pyros: "cursed female"
i remember liking this video a lot when i first saw it. watching it now, years and years later, i think it's one of the best music videos ever made.

paw's "jessie"

man, paw was fucking awesome. definitely one of the top three underrated bands of the '90s. how many bands today would write a song about a dog and perform it like their fucking lives depended on it? undertow's been a staple since i was a youngin and hasn't aged a bit. auralgasm at the end of the second chorus w/ the introduction of a pedal steel guitar. simply, there isn't a more beautiful instrument than the pedal steel.

aaron, why do you hate brett ratner?

well, since you asked, i'll tell you. first, i don't "hate" him; i just think he's douchey. for three basic reasons: first and foremost, his movies fucking blow. even michael bay is better at that schlocky shit than ratner is. ratner's movies are just painful to watch. w/ bay, you can't expect to see anything other than shit being blown up. if you expect more than that, you're a fool. but ratner tries to be more and, bluntly, he isn't.

second, he's a rich kid. his mother was a socialite and that no doubt had an effect on his success (the privileged look out for its own). do fratboys have to run everything?

third, he fucking wanted to direct a remake of the killing of a chinese bookie. bookie is my favorite film. ever. anyone who remakes that movie runs the risk of having his throat slit by me. most recognize that you cannot remake a film like bookie. most, save, for brett fucking ratner. brett fucking ratner remaking bookie is like good charlotte covering hendrix's "machine gun." not only is it wrong, it's stupid. it's a complete misjudgment of abilities; a monstrously gross lack of self-awareness. the sort of misjudgment that arises when one is totally consumed by one's ego.

so there you go. my reasons for finding ratner douchey.

another nugget of celebrity wisdom

apparently, today is brilliant celebrity quotes day. this next one, on relationships and male biology, comes from kate hudson, the gena rowlands of our time. quoth:

"As primal beings, men are not supposed to be monogamous.

"When people ask, 'Do you believe in monogamy?' Well, of course that's what you want.

"But part of what I love about men is that it's hard for them to be monogamous.

"Women, I think, need to spend more time understanding men than changing men.

"And vice versa."

wow. so deep. so deep. see, what she's saying is, men are biologically incapable of monogamy. in the spirit of kate's great logic, i'm going to cease shitting in the toilet. because shitting in the toilet isn't natural. from here on out, it's turds in the trousers-- wherever, whenever. wait! no more trousers, either! trousers aren't natural! and sometimes it is hard not to shit your pants. you're hurtin' and you're squirtin' and a potty isn't at the ready-- these things happen. so to avoid that mess altogether, why not just give up that "whole bathroom" thing? god. so simple. so. just-- empowering. thanks, kate.

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terrence howard, decidedly not down w/ the funk

good eve and god bless.

the most beautiful thing in nature, terrence "smooove-rrence" howard, has spoken. and women, you had better listen up:

"I like women who look like me. Generally, you're attracted to women who look like you, because the most beautiful thing in nature is your own reflection."

absolutely.

"If a relationship is built on sexuality, it won't last long. Now I'm completely chaste through a relationship unless I get married. I don't believe in premarital sex. It enabled me to date three or four women at the same time, because as long as I wasn't having sex with them, I could always just walk away."

this is so true. as long as i'm not beautifully inserting my manwand into her, thereby purifying her, i can easily walk away. it's only after she's ensnared me in her nefarious, filthy web w/ sexual compromises, that i find it difficult to cut the succubus loose.

"There were some [past girlfriends] who pushed for sex, and sometimes they won. Afterward, I would feel unclean, like I'd compromised my own values. So I would have to let them go because they didn't help me to be a stronger person."

truth be told, it's near impossible to be truly clean as long as you're within 50 feet of a woman. but pre-marital sex is mos def the filthiest act imaginable. silky-beautiful, true cleanliness is only achieved when 2 b-come 1 through holy union. the man is more pure, the penis being the purifying instrument (pe-nis, n. latin: shaftus radius), but the man is only slightly more pure than the woman. true, holy purity is only attainable through holy union. that, and baby wipes:

"Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go in a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean."

this, i feel, speaks for itself.

"I was in love with her, but she was not in love with me. I can't be upset because she doesn't find me the most beautiful thing on the planet."

woman is a fool. as hard as it is to believe, this has happened to me as well. in fact, i'm not sure em finds me the most beautiful-silky thing on the planet. but she is unclean.

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yeah, but can you press buttons?

i'm not cool enough to play guitar hero, so i just have to play one of those "real" guitars, like the one over there to the left (to the left-- k, sorry). not quite sure how the thing was able to up and sit itself on the edge of the futon-- found it a bit strange myself. anyway, this beaut plays like a dream. i drive everyone within earshot crazy w/ my constant tapping and pinch harmonics, but fuck 'em-- fuckin' rock n' roll, man.

head over to the flickr page for more pr0n.