because indie rock sucks

metal up yr ass.


megadeth: "wake up dead"
on the ARRM (awesomely rad riff meter), "wake up dead" scores a 9.5. nearly every riff is rad, particularly at the -2:34 to -1:54 mark and (especially) the last riff at -0:59 to end.



metallica: "the prince"
here are those dinosaurs covering diamond head's "the prince." it was from a 2004 show, so it's kinda old, kinda tired, but it's competent. in a word: dad. hammett sounds like fucking rubbish. his solo at the beginning is embarrassing. and lars. well, it's lars. poor grandpa looks like he's about to keel over. anyway, "the prince" is about a 8.5 on the ARRM. every riff is rad, but not the raddest.

now, contrast that with:



metallica: blackened"
christ all effing mighty, what happened? the boys are playing "blackened," easily a 10.0, back in 1989. it's unnerving how good they were. the rage (most likely because of death of cliff burton) is palpable. james hetfield looks like he's about to pummel the shit out of someone. they're a laughingstock now, both their music and public image, but there was a time when metallica were a force to be fucked w/.

bonus:


14-year-old jacqueline mannering playing the solo from "blackened." pretty good, pretty good. i was way better at that age, but you know. i'm kidding. (not really.)



celtic frost: "into the crypt of rays"
here's everyone favorite thrash/proto-black metal outfit, celtic frost, performing the classic "into the crypt of rays" on some whack-ass swiss tv show. a solid 9.0, for sure. every riff slaps the step-child, but still not quite the raddest. i have to give thomas fischer cred for headbanging between every verse, though.

bonus: the frost's cover of "mexican radio." not nearly as good as the original, but a chuckle-worthy novelty nevertheless.



slayer: "angel of death"
easily a 10.0. the riff after the second chorus-- tell me that shit doesn't make you wanna hit something. even public enemy had to sample it. actually, dave lombardo's sick fucking drumming elevates this to a 12.0-- on a riff meter! it's that metal!



the dillinger escape plan: "sugar-coated sour"
another 10.0. every riff is masterful. but this is really a drumming song. the guitars and drums are a punishing machine. even though the drummer himself is a right d-bag.




carcass: "heartwork"
every riff in this song is a 9.5, but the verse riff elevates it to a 10. best played at extremely loud volume.



accept: "balls to the wall"
oh, man. the riffs, the leather, the fatigues, the Vs, and udo. the sheer germanness of it all! this is shit is so metal i feel ionized just watching the vid. when i was younger i thought they were saying "wolf blitzer" in the chorus. not really, but it sounded good and funny enough so i still way it when i sing along. easily a 15. it just doesn't get any more metal than accept, it's that simple.


and there you have it. some of the raddest riffs in metal. tell yr mom i say what up.