i cant believe i think lily allen is cute in this picture. and no, it has nothing to do w/ the fact that her tit is showing.
meh. my sluttiness knows no bounds. im like michael k, but straight.
via egotastic.
12.11.2007
ugh
i cant believe i think lily allen is cute in this picture. and no, it has nothing to do w/ the fact that her tit is showing.
meh. my sluttiness knows no bounds. im like michael k, but straight.
via egotastic.
11.26.2007
dear parents who are always talking about their children:
omg zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
11.11.2007
the parents are all right
currently they're out in the kitchen, debating and discussing blue velvet and what, exactly, was frank's fucking deal.
11.09.2007
BUTT HASH-- are you and your family at risk?
now, i've been known to enjoy getting high every now and then, but seriously butt hash?
butt
hash
BUTT HASH.
if you don't know, it's worse than what you're thinking (shit left to rot in a baggie out in the sun for several days, whereafter it is inhaled). personally, i think it's bunk. just another, as the wikipedia entry notes, "moral panic" dreamed up by some bored-ass coto de caucasian housewife betwixt insurance sales. it's all there, the imploring "what are your kids getting high w/ now!?" tone, the obligatory africa origin (which is obnoxiously enough called a "country"-- africa is not a MOTHERFUCKING COUNTRY, goddamn it all), etc., etc. whatever. people waste their time on this total, um, crap when there are legitimate things to worry about, such as cults that are offing babies in record numbers and offering toddlers in ritual sacrifices.
now if you'll excuse me, there's some pickled toe jam i have to inhale.
butt
hash
BUTT HASH.
if you don't know, it's worse than what you're thinking (shit left to rot in a baggie out in the sun for several days, whereafter it is inhaled). personally, i think it's bunk. just another, as the wikipedia entry notes, "moral panic" dreamed up by some bored-ass coto de caucasian housewife betwixt insurance sales. it's all there, the imploring "what are your kids getting high w/ now!?" tone, the obligatory africa origin (which is obnoxiously enough called a "country"-- africa is not a MOTHERFUCKING COUNTRY, goddamn it all), etc., etc. whatever. people waste their time on this total, um, crap when there are legitimate things to worry about, such as cults that are offing babies in record numbers and offering toddlers in ritual sacrifices.
now if you'll excuse me, there's some pickled toe jam i have to inhale.
11.02.2007
10.31.2007
lol but serious too
dear april bowlby:
hi. marry me?
pros:
i'm a great listener
a hard worker
great guitar player
chivalrous
easy going for the most part
enjoy ankle-splitting walks on the beach
have a sexy voice
and have been told i'm excellent at oral sex
have excellent manners
i rarely let the bathroom get out of hand, dirt- and scum-wise
i also have a good fashion sense and never wear white socks to bed and/or during teh sez; hell, i rarely wear socks at all, let alone white ones
cons:
i've been known to have lazy spells
can be argumentative
depressed (but i try to hide it)
kthx
ps, we would have beautiful children together. just a thought.
kthxbye
10.28.2007
pwned lol
"You think it's a no-brainer -- it's five buttons, it's really easy," Flores says. "But when you dig into the guts of the game, it's really very complicated. Trying to make the note timing feel right is very tricky."
totes. it takes pure skill and coolness to push those little plastic buttons on that little plastic guitar hero guitar. those real guitars-- w/ strings and frets and tuning and intonation and which require rhythm and creative acumen and calluses and hand coordination and notes and fancy stuff like that-- are fucking babies' toys.
via wired.
10.25.2007
dear glenn beck:
if i ever meet you, i promise you, i will hand you your fucking ass. i would happily serve jail time for beating your pathetic, lilly-livered, privileged bitchface into the ground. in fact i'd turn myself in and wear that distinction as the badge of honor that it is. and no, i'm not joking.
on that note, today sucked. the farmers' market is held every wednesday and today (technically yesterday) was no exception, but it was a decidedly lesser affair. two vendors were absent on account of road closures and foot traffic was noticeably lower than normal. that thick, stagnant cloud of dark smoke blanketed the land all day, complete w/ a steady slow drizzle of ash and that creepy glow of orange light that coats us like an amber shellac. the stink of burning matter is becoming so commonplace we hardly notice it anymore; it's only that vague reserve of memory and the clenching in our throats that tells us this stench is most definitely not as right as rain. we went from hurricane-force winds to a dead fucking calm. and now this acrid, smoldering, claustrophobic canopy envelopes us.
juan, a kid in his early teens who works for one of the vendors, pointed to the moon and asked me, "is that normal?" inquiring about the piercing, martian hue the moon has been veiled in. "it's cuz of the smoke," i said.
"oh."
"why? you scared?" i joked.
"heh. a little."
on that note, today sucked. the farmers' market is held every wednesday and today (technically yesterday) was no exception, but it was a decidedly lesser affair. two vendors were absent on account of road closures and foot traffic was noticeably lower than normal. that thick, stagnant cloud of dark smoke blanketed the land all day, complete w/ a steady slow drizzle of ash and that creepy glow of orange light that coats us like an amber shellac. the stink of burning matter is becoming so commonplace we hardly notice it anymore; it's only that vague reserve of memory and the clenching in our throats that tells us this stench is most definitely not as right as rain. we went from hurricane-force winds to a dead fucking calm. and now this acrid, smoldering, claustrophobic canopy envelopes us.
juan, a kid in his early teens who works for one of the vendors, pointed to the moon and asked me, "is that normal?" inquiring about the piercing, martian hue the moon has been veiled in. "it's cuz of the smoke," i said.
"oh."
"why? you scared?" i joked.
"heh. a little."
10.23.2007
the matter of time
this guy, john ziegler, is, objectively, the biggest douchebag in los angeles. i fucking h a t e this guy. three days into this wildfire calamity and he's already turned his radio show on super-right-wing KFI into a fucking partisan wasteland for his right-wing ideology. i've been listening to KFI since sunday b/c they've had full, pre-emptive coverage, and all of their local hosts have kept it blessedly ideology-free, save for this asshole who turned it into a "democrat this," "liberal that," blah blah and even somehow managed to throw in a few remarks about how californians are "better" than "those people" in new orleans b/c of how we've handled this. never mind that the two disasters are very different, under very different circumstances, etc.
ziegler was the subject of an elaborate* piece by david foster wallace for the atlantic monthly entitled "host." typical of wallace, not much in respect to psychology was explored, which is unfortunate, b/c ziegler is an absolute narcissist, dripping w/ contempt for his audience, for people in general, and especially for anyone who dares disagree w/ his absurd political ideology. i was looking forward to wallace dismantling ziegler, but alas, it never happened.
ziegler has been fired from three previous radio stations. the first two terminations were over racial jokes about black celebrities (i guess b/c racial jokes about white celebrities are boring?) and the third b/c he was chuckleheaded enough to make comments about a woman's (whom he happened to be dating at the time) physical characteristics. of course, b/c john ziegler is a right-wing talk radio show host, he is incapable of taking any responsibility for his actions. when it comes to liberals, women, minorities, homos, etc., it's all about the lack of personal responsibility amongst these types, but if you are a right-wing talk show host, you're somehow above such pedestrian strictures. it wasn't john ziegler who was to blame for getting john ziegler fired--three times!-- it was political correctness! yes. political correctness. 2007 and people are still blaming political correctness for everything that's wrong in society. if you get fired from three separate places of employment, i dunno, is the problem maybe you? maybe? not when it comes to john ziegler. b/c, you see, john ziegler is the real victim here. sure, minorities and women and liberals and whoever else like to act as if they're the victims, but it's really joe everymen like john ziegler who are constantly being short-changed. he's a talk show host employed by clear channel. on a flagship station. after being fired three times. for being a douche. he's sitting pretty. in los angeles. after being fired three times.
i mean, it's obvious who the victim is here. right?
oh yeah, ziegler is a racist fuckface, as well. last week he launched a semi-defense of james watson's comments that black people are intellectually inferior to white people. ziegler decried watson's more obvious proclamations, but he then went on to say that agree w/ watson re: africa not being as evolved as other continents or something like that. never mind that evolutionary biologists have completely dismissed watson's comments whole cloth as being the bona fide racist swill that they are. ziegler at least half agrees w/ the man.
it's no surprise, i guess, that ziegler waited all of one day before using these fires as a springboard for reasons #569-76 of why liberals are scumbags. it's just that, jesus, all the other right-wing hosts on KFI, who are doubtlessly strident in their douchery, have somehow managed to avoid making this a partisan issue thus far. in a sea of assholes, it takes a certain charm to stand out. cheers to you, mr. ziegler.
*yes, i know the adjective is redundant when discussing wallace, but it's there anyway.
ziegler was the subject of an elaborate* piece by david foster wallace for the atlantic monthly entitled "host." typical of wallace, not much in respect to psychology was explored, which is unfortunate, b/c ziegler is an absolute narcissist, dripping w/ contempt for his audience, for people in general, and especially for anyone who dares disagree w/ his absurd political ideology. i was looking forward to wallace dismantling ziegler, but alas, it never happened.
ziegler has been fired from three previous radio stations. the first two terminations were over racial jokes about black celebrities (i guess b/c racial jokes about white celebrities are boring?) and the third b/c he was chuckleheaded enough to make comments about a woman's (whom he happened to be dating at the time) physical characteristics. of course, b/c john ziegler is a right-wing talk radio show host, he is incapable of taking any responsibility for his actions. when it comes to liberals, women, minorities, homos, etc., it's all about the lack of personal responsibility amongst these types, but if you are a right-wing talk show host, you're somehow above such pedestrian strictures. it wasn't john ziegler who was to blame for getting john ziegler fired--three times!-- it was political correctness! yes. political correctness. 2007 and people are still blaming political correctness for everything that's wrong in society. if you get fired from three separate places of employment, i dunno, is the problem maybe you? maybe? not when it comes to john ziegler. b/c, you see, john ziegler is the real victim here. sure, minorities and women and liberals and whoever else like to act as if they're the victims, but it's really joe everymen like john ziegler who are constantly being short-changed. he's a talk show host employed by clear channel. on a flagship station. after being fired three times. for being a douche. he's sitting pretty. in los angeles. after being fired three times.
i mean, it's obvious who the victim is here. right?
oh yeah, ziegler is a racist fuckface, as well. last week he launched a semi-defense of james watson's comments that black people are intellectually inferior to white people. ziegler decried watson's more obvious proclamations, but he then went on to say that agree w/ watson re: africa not being as evolved as other continents or something like that. never mind that evolutionary biologists have completely dismissed watson's comments whole cloth as being the bona fide racist swill that they are. ziegler at least half agrees w/ the man.
it's no surprise, i guess, that ziegler waited all of one day before using these fires as a springboard for reasons #569-76 of why liberals are scumbags. it's just that, jesus, all the other right-wing hosts on KFI, who are doubtlessly strident in their douchery, have somehow managed to avoid making this a partisan issue thus far. in a sea of assholes, it takes a certain charm to stand out. cheers to you, mr. ziegler.
*yes, i know the adjective is redundant when discussing wallace, but it's there anyway.
500,000
awesome: fema is on the way. i don't know about you, but i'd welcome the return of the santa anas before i'd welcome fema. i mean, what are they going to do? stand around and be incompetent? that's what we need.
the fire down the street, known as the santiago fire, got worse today as a spot fire just sort of up and erupted. sunday night was a little hairy: we watched the flames burn their way across the foothills, north to south, as the winds kicked up a choking amount of dust and ash. didn't sleep much that night, mostly b/c the fire broke out about 30 mins. before sunset, crews were already stretched thin from the malibu and canyon country fires, little was known about the fire, and the conditions just seemed to deteriorate by the hour. things seemed to get a little better yesterday, as 30% containment was announced, but the fire kept spreading south and more and more communities were being evacuated. today, that spot fire caused a ruckus and the first in a series of homes in this fire were lost. b/c of this, the media attention ramped up and we finally got some aircraft relief. frankly, b/c of the lack of house fires, orange county has received little outside help; it's to be expected, especially considering the status of san diego, but still, if you live here, it sucks. it took an unfortunate turn of events for aid to get ramped up here.
speaking of san diego. shit. they're being eaten alive down there. last i heard, a half million people in california have been evacuated.
things are actually looking a lot better outside my window. what a difference aircraft makes. there's been a sizable plume of dark smoke just sitting there all day, accompanied by an eerie amber glow in the sky and raining ash, but now it's dissipated quite a bit (i had the day off, so i've just been chilling at the house). one good thing is that the santa anas have finally settled the fuck down. i usually like the santa anas, how they clean the atmosphere out and bring out the glory of this landscape, but this was ridiculous. i've never seen santa anas this intense, which was the general consensus at work yesterday, as well. i knew it was bad sunday morning when the mountains and foothills were obscured by dust. then i heard about malibu, canyon country, and santiago, and things just got worse by the hour. sunday will go down in infamy around here. shit, even yesterday. there is so much superstitious bullshit surrounding the santa anas-- that they bring out some sort of collective insanity, that they're the cause of all sorts of inexplicable preternaturalism, that they can even cause earthquakes-- but shit, yesterday seemed to bore this silliness out. my boss and i ran some errands around lunchtime and people were acing like they had done lost their fucking minds. erratic driving, on-the-corner proselytizing, general freakery, and a palpable tension, etc., all set against a backdrop of clobbering winds, dark walls of smoke, and a slow burning in your lungs. it was like a goddamned lynchian dreamscape by way of jodorowsky. today was no less weird, particularly w/ this amber glow hanging in the sky, and it was damned hot. i checked the temperature: 99 fucking degrees. in late october. yes, this is southern california, but shit, 99 fucking degrees w/ 8% humidity? we've somehow managed to find ourselves inside a furnace.
without a doubt, this is the most significant wildfire i've ever seen. i was born and raised here and nothing in the recesses of my memory can touch this. not even the laguna hills fire that went down when i was in junior high. i even noticed a few neighbors packing up and leaving. prompted me to make a half-assed plan myself; fortunately, i've not yet had to implement it.
btw, posted a few pix at teh flickr (i love how you don't have to lolify "flickr").
the fire down the street, known as the santiago fire, got worse today as a spot fire just sort of up and erupted. sunday night was a little hairy: we watched the flames burn their way across the foothills, north to south, as the winds kicked up a choking amount of dust and ash. didn't sleep much that night, mostly b/c the fire broke out about 30 mins. before sunset, crews were already stretched thin from the malibu and canyon country fires, little was known about the fire, and the conditions just seemed to deteriorate by the hour. things seemed to get a little better yesterday, as 30% containment was announced, but the fire kept spreading south and more and more communities were being evacuated. today, that spot fire caused a ruckus and the first in a series of homes in this fire were lost. b/c of this, the media attention ramped up and we finally got some aircraft relief. frankly, b/c of the lack of house fires, orange county has received little outside help; it's to be expected, especially considering the status of san diego, but still, if you live here, it sucks. it took an unfortunate turn of events for aid to get ramped up here.
speaking of san diego. shit. they're being eaten alive down there. last i heard, a half million people in california have been evacuated.
things are actually looking a lot better outside my window. what a difference aircraft makes. there's been a sizable plume of dark smoke just sitting there all day, accompanied by an eerie amber glow in the sky and raining ash, but now it's dissipated quite a bit (i had the day off, so i've just been chilling at the house). one good thing is that the santa anas have finally settled the fuck down. i usually like the santa anas, how they clean the atmosphere out and bring out the glory of this landscape, but this was ridiculous. i've never seen santa anas this intense, which was the general consensus at work yesterday, as well. i knew it was bad sunday morning when the mountains and foothills were obscured by dust. then i heard about malibu, canyon country, and santiago, and things just got worse by the hour. sunday will go down in infamy around here. shit, even yesterday. there is so much superstitious bullshit surrounding the santa anas-- that they bring out some sort of collective insanity, that they're the cause of all sorts of inexplicable preternaturalism, that they can even cause earthquakes-- but shit, yesterday seemed to bore this silliness out. my boss and i ran some errands around lunchtime and people were acing like they had done lost their fucking minds. erratic driving, on-the-corner proselytizing, general freakery, and a palpable tension, etc., all set against a backdrop of clobbering winds, dark walls of smoke, and a slow burning in your lungs. it was like a goddamned lynchian dreamscape by way of jodorowsky. today was no less weird, particularly w/ this amber glow hanging in the sky, and it was damned hot. i checked the temperature: 99 fucking degrees. in late october. yes, this is southern california, but shit, 99 fucking degrees w/ 8% humidity? we've somehow managed to find ourselves inside a furnace.
without a doubt, this is the most significant wildfire i've ever seen. i was born and raised here and nothing in the recesses of my memory can touch this. not even the laguna hills fire that went down when i was in junior high. i even noticed a few neighbors packing up and leaving. prompted me to make a half-assed plan myself; fortunately, i've not yet had to implement it.
btw, posted a few pix at teh flickr (i love how you don't have to lolify "flickr").
10.21.2007
shit
shit, the power went out for a minute. it got a lot worse in a really short amount of time. my brother just called and said a friend of his about a mile from here was evacuated.things working against us in this scenario: very strong, erratic winds; rapidly worsening conditions; and the real possibility that embers can be spread far and wide.
in the very least this area will be covered in ash come daylight.
.jpg)
holy fucking shit
so i look out the window and i see a massive plume of very dark smoke billowing like the wrath of god himself. this picture is jack shit compared to looking out the window and seeing this maybe a mile or so away. i can see the flames from my bathroom window, but it's too dark now to get it on camera. fuck.
every day is like caturday \m/ lol \m/
some crazy finn (redundant?) on youtube, st. sanders, takes youtube vids of shredders shredding and dubs this hilariously awful, inept noodling over it, complete w/ goofy clapping, muted grunts, and frantic drum machining. after the initial loling, you have to marvel at his editing skills. st. must be an at least decent player himself to know exactly just how to fuck up and insert spot-on, absurd references (e.g., on the video he dubbed for eric clapton, he throws in metallica's "enter sandman" just at the right moment and long enough not to belabor the point). maybe this kind of shit isn't totally lolrus to the non-guitar-playing contingent, but shit, you get the point, especially if you've ever known a crappy guitar player who takes himself seriously; and/or, if you've ever walked into a guitar center.
one of my favorite dubs is the one he did of jake e. lee soling during a gig w/ ozzy and ozzy's totally ridiculous, coke-fueled clapping. christ, i haven't laughed this hard since grandpa tickled me. ozzy totally comes off like yr crazy, drunk-ass uncle who goes apeshit over yr "genius" guitar skills at that family reunion when you're 15 and three degrees away from having a hormone-induced nervous breakdown after being muscled into performing in front of yr motley crew of equally drunk, but nowhere near as thrilled, relatives. an antagonistic applauding: "CLAP, motherfuckers, CLAP!" not that i'd know jack shit about such a scenario.
jake e. lee:
im on ur stage
skuanderin ur hardurned deniro!
CLAPPIN LIEK A CRACKHEZ
marty friedman:
im in ur guitar center
sittin on ur stoo, playin ur anp, inpressin ur girl, murderin ur spirit
st.'s crowning achievement:
im on ur landmine
loosin ur limbz, freekin ur mind
the editing in this one is amazing. this shit is a fucking work of art. shit, i gotta get a drum machine.
one of my favorite dubs is the one he did of jake e. lee soling during a gig w/ ozzy and ozzy's totally ridiculous, coke-fueled clapping. christ, i haven't laughed this hard since grandpa tickled me. ozzy totally comes off like yr crazy, drunk-ass uncle who goes apeshit over yr "genius" guitar skills at that family reunion when you're 15 and three degrees away from having a hormone-induced nervous breakdown after being muscled into performing in front of yr motley crew of equally drunk, but nowhere near as thrilled, relatives. an antagonistic applauding: "CLAP, motherfuckers, CLAP!" not that i'd know jack shit about such a scenario.
jake e. lee:
im on ur stage
skuanderin ur hardurned deniro!
CLAPPIN LIEK A CRACKHEZ
marty friedman:
im in ur guitar center
sittin on ur stoo, playin ur anp, inpressin ur girl, murderin ur spirit
st.'s crowning achievement:
im on ur landmine
loosin ur limbz, freekin ur mind
the editing in this one is amazing. this shit is a fucking work of art. shit, i gotta get a drum machine.
this is what you get
um, ew. van halen totally, completely out of tune playing "jump." i don't understand why father and son didn't just transpose? and holy crap, the solo is nails on a fucking chalkboard. or why not just have a live keyboard player? for crissake, who's the tech!? at least roth twirls an impressive baton.
you know what's even more curious, though? i've seen another clip of them playing "jump" on this tour and the keys are sharp there, too. what gives? you would deduce that it's father and son who are out of tune, but the keys definitely sound sharp to me.
do you see what happens, eddie? do you see what happens? do you see what happens when you fuck yr original bass player in the ass, eddie? do you see what happens?
10.16.2007
what? no stupid corporations? oh, that's right-- corporation = $$gooood$$
reason tv, offshoot of reason online, is teaming up w/ drew carey to fight "stupid stuff." quoth carey:
"We need Reason to help fight the stupid drug laws, the stupid immigration laws and stupid big government in general."
indeed. props to reason for lassoing in a sharp, relevant public figure such as drew carey. that'll help the libertarian powerhaus' credibility, totally. who's next? david brenner*? we can only hope.
*"who the fuck is david brenner?" you ask. precisely.
"We need Reason to help fight the stupid drug laws, the stupid immigration laws and stupid big government in general."
indeed. props to reason for lassoing in a sharp, relevant public figure such as drew carey. that'll help the libertarian powerhaus' credibility, totally. who's next? david brenner*? we can only hope.
*"who the fuck is david brenner?" you ask. precisely.
10.11.2007
m.i.a. "paper planes"
i'm not really one to get caught up in celeb worship. i've been in hollywood a shitload of times and have probably come across a few celebs, but i don't know for sure, simply b/c i don't give a shit. but goddamn what i would give to hang out/make out w/ m.i.a. there is a limited number of people in this world as talented, cool, and hot as she is, am i right or am i right? in other words, if i ever actually met her, i'd probably just stand there like a retard before blurting, "holy shit, you have a pretty mouth!" here's a mock-up still image video of m.i.a.'s "paper planes." her best song yet?
shit, this song is crazy good. almost inconceivable how good it is.
shit, this song is crazy good. almost inconceivable how good it is.
10.04.2007
"WTF is this!? RAP!!!??!??!"
my relationship w/ tool is a precarious one, b/c on one hand, i sort of like them, but on the other, they bore the tits off me. and i say this as someone who's an avid admirer of miles davis' late '60s/early '70s 30-minute-long excursions into funk drenched, proto-fusion-metal (seriously, "rated x" is heavier than anything black sabbath's ever done)-- so don't think i can't appreciate long tracks, b/c i do; in fact, i prefer songs to be over 8:00 mins. i want to feel as if i've gotten my money's worth, or that i've at least spent quality time downloading (not illegally, b/c i would never do that-- ever). it's just that tool has turned into the pink floyd of metal, which, really, isn't a good thing. don't get me wrong-- i love a lot of their stuff, but the majority of that shit is off their first two albums. they've been in a rut for the past ten years, which, i guess, is why metalheads like them so much (metalheads being the notoriously conservative and drab lot that they are, although nowhere near as conservative and predictable as punk rockers). but maynard went and did something i thought was impossible: he made an album a million times more boring than lateralus-- a perfect circle's 13th step. so it was at that point, somewhere in the early aughties, that my interest in all things tool quietly died, my love for the first two albums heartily withstanding. but con sarnit if maynard didn't go and totally redeem hisself and make something of interest w/ "side project #2," puscifer.
exhibit #1:
"queen b.," aka, "the sound of midwestern metalheads freaking the fuck out cuz maynard went all gay and country disco!!!1 and wtf kinda name is gaynard anyway? whatever happened to good old fashioned names like DAVE and RICHARD?"
typically, the humor is totally lost on the audience. how can you not find the ironic humor in "this lovely lady's got the thickness/can i get a witness?"? oh, that's right: you can be a metalhead.
and here's a commercial for puscifer's album, v is for vagina, aka, exhibit #2:
holy fuck, it's like maynard, mike patton, and jim goad got together and smacked out a mean collab before smacking out each other. consider me stoked. now, if maynard would just leave those old dinosaurs in tool.
linked from metalsucks, aka, metalheadsarehumorlessumtools.com.
exhibit #1:
"queen b.," aka, "the sound of midwestern metalheads freaking the fuck out cuz maynard went all gay and country disco!!!1 and wtf kinda name is gaynard anyway? whatever happened to good old fashioned names like DAVE and RICHARD?"
typically, the humor is totally lost on the audience. how can you not find the ironic humor in "this lovely lady's got the thickness/can i get a witness?"? oh, that's right: you can be a metalhead.
and here's a commercial for puscifer's album, v is for vagina, aka, exhibit #2:
holy fuck, it's like maynard, mike patton, and jim goad got together and smacked out a mean collab before smacking out each other. consider me stoked. now, if maynard would just leave those old dinosaurs in tool.
linked from metalsucks, aka, metalheadsarehumorlessumtools.com.
goth of love
radar, the coolest magazine out there, has an interview w/ my favorite vocalist eva, sioux.
some snippets:
on this lame business of high-fasion rock star decadence:
What do you make of the modern rock star look in the era of the stylist? You managed to pull yourself together quite well in your day. They aren't exciting, are they? It's because the same high-priced stylist does all of them! I don't need one, thanks. It makes me feel cheated because I want to see what that personality would choose to wear, how they'd do their hair. They all have the uniform look with none of the attitude. It's a little Stepford Pop Star out there.
on ashlee's musical soulmate, that tubby embarrassment/parody robert smith:
. . . I mean, darling, really, do you own a mirror?
and gosh, interpol, lcd soundsystem, the white stripes, the yeah yeah yeahs, the klaxons, the rapture, etc. must all be breathing a sigh of relief b/c you could never apply the following to them, could you?
There's way too much retrospective going on all over the place. Stop looking backwards. Remakes of films, like The Omen and Halloween. Have you really run out of ideas? Imagination costs nothing. It's free and anyone can do it. It's the same with having someone style you. I mean, use your bloody head. That's the fun of it!
and finally:
. . . Would you wanna do Goth of Love?
Ewww, God, no!
shit, foiled again! i'd dress up in facepaint and brave a room full of obnoxious peter murphy wannabes just to have a night w/ sioux. wouldn't you? she only has one of the best voices in recorded music and is surly as hell-- what's not to love?
some snippets:
on this lame business of high-fasion rock star decadence:
What do you make of the modern rock star look in the era of the stylist? You managed to pull yourself together quite well in your day. They aren't exciting, are they? It's because the same high-priced stylist does all of them! I don't need one, thanks. It makes me feel cheated because I want to see what that personality would choose to wear, how they'd do their hair. They all have the uniform look with none of the attitude. It's a little Stepford Pop Star out there.
on ashlee simpson:
Who is Ashlee Simpson?on ashlee's musical soulmate, that tubby embarrassment/parody robert smith:
. . . I mean, darling, really, do you own a mirror?
and gosh, interpol, lcd soundsystem, the white stripes, the yeah yeah yeahs, the klaxons, the rapture, etc. must all be breathing a sigh of relief b/c you could never apply the following to them, could you?
There's way too much retrospective going on all over the place. Stop looking backwards. Remakes of films, like The Omen and Halloween. Have you really run out of ideas? Imagination costs nothing. It's free and anyone can do it. It's the same with having someone style you. I mean, use your bloody head. That's the fun of it!
and finally:
. . . Would you wanna do Goth of Love?
Ewww, God, no!
shit, foiled again! i'd dress up in facepaint and brave a room full of obnoxious peter murphy wannabes just to have a night w/ sioux. wouldn't you? she only has one of the best voices in recorded music and is surly as hell-- what's not to love?
10.02.2007
OMG you guys new zune tomorrow
huh? what's a zune? yeah, exactly.
to make this post cool, here are some pictures of my ipod touch. i lucked out and got one w/ a proper screen, although that whole "defective screen" thing turned out to be a lot of racket over what was basically a firmware problem.
i need to get a new camera.
got the zune picture from gizmodo, etc.
"lost the kids, LOL"
i wonder if the unitards at popsugar.com will find a way to apologize for their messiah's obvious indifference toward losing her "little ones." some gibberish about making another comeback, how great she used to be, etc., etc.
got this picture from dlisted. michael k said that britney was "placing her meth order on that blackberry," but this is impossible b/c meth causes one to lose weight, not gain it. sorry. i know that was below the gut, but i have little sympathy for this person.
9.24.2007
yes, hank-- speak it loud
from radar:
"I do not oppose his speaking; I oppose its sponsorship by Columbia University."—Henry Kissinger, former Secretary of State
oh, yes. brilliant. henry fucking kissinger has moral objections to columbia letting ahmadinejad speak. of course, b/c as we all know, if there's a paragon of morality to which we all must aspire, it is henry kissinger. henry kissinger, a man responsible for the deaths of thousands. i so totally care what henry kissinger finds ethically questionable. don't you? this is like heinrich himmler objecting to tom metzger* appearing at bob jones university.
and yet, in the cult of political personality, it's all rather par for the course, isn't it?
*metzger is a "charming" white racist who has been known to utter gems such as, "hitler was too liberal!" and "gas 'em all!"
"I do not oppose his speaking; I oppose its sponsorship by Columbia University."—Henry Kissinger, former Secretary of State
oh, yes. brilliant. henry fucking kissinger has moral objections to columbia letting ahmadinejad speak. of course, b/c as we all know, if there's a paragon of morality to which we all must aspire, it is henry kissinger. henry kissinger, a man responsible for the deaths of thousands. i so totally care what henry kissinger finds ethically questionable. don't you? this is like heinrich himmler objecting to tom metzger* appearing at bob jones university.
and yet, in the cult of political personality, it's all rather par for the course, isn't it?
*metzger is a "charming" white racist who has been known to utter gems such as, "hitler was too liberal!" and "gas 'em all!"
9.11.2007
joe zawinul, 1932-2007
link:
a massive talent and influence. r.i.p.VIENNA (Reuters) - Keyboardist Joe Zawinul, who played with Miles Davis and helped shape jazz fusion with his band Weather Report, died in his native city of Vienna on Tuesday, aged 75.
Zawinul, voted best keyboarder 30 times by music magazine Down Beat's critics' poll, including this year, had sought medical attention last month after a tour. He died of a rare form of skin cancer, local news agency APA reported.
9.10.2007
and the award for totally lame, obvious trailer goes to--
iron man, which features, wait for it, black sabbath's "iron man." wow. that's totally not gay or cheesy or ridiculous or lame at all. way to go, jon favreau.
also, when is spielberg going to grow a set and become a man? indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull. for real? like, for real real? um, why? is this some sort of tie-in w/ magic: the gathering? i realize it's indiana jones, but still, "kingdom of the crystal skull"? uuuuugh. it's like this: you're on a date and you're going to go see this movie and you're in line and you walk up and, really, what're you going to say? "two for indiana jones and the-- er, yeah, indiana jones, please." you're not going to say "kingdom of the crystal skull" in front of yr date! why? b/c it's G A Y and almost totally obliterates chances of seduction. but spielberg doesn't think in such terms. his only concern is appealing to the mclovins of the world and to the academy.
but i'll take this opportunity to make it official: i'm going to write a movie about a superhero who kills all other superheroes. because it must be done.
also, when is spielberg going to grow a set and become a man? indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull. for real? like, for real real? um, why? is this some sort of tie-in w/ magic: the gathering? i realize it's indiana jones, but still, "kingdom of the crystal skull"? uuuuugh. it's like this: you're on a date and you're going to go see this movie and you're in line and you walk up and, really, what're you going to say? "two for indiana jones and the-- er, yeah, indiana jones, please." you're not going to say "kingdom of the crystal skull" in front of yr date! why? b/c it's G A Y and almost totally obliterates chances of seduction. but spielberg doesn't think in such terms. his only concern is appealing to the mclovins of the world and to the academy.
but i'll take this opportunity to make it official: i'm going to write a movie about a superhero who kills all other superheroes. because it must be done.
9.08.2007
why?
what ever happened to the stop button? itunes, youtube-- seriously, what happened to the stop button?
9.05.2007
watch me go broke
oh, damn. looks like i'll be out $300 (edit: $425-- christ, someone help me) this week.
the ipod touch. w/ wi-fi. w/ safari. w/ youtube. and now, a wi-fi-based itunes store. holy god. His Steveness has delivered. hark! what's that i hear? the collective croak of windows fanboys the world over.
my only gripe: 16 gigs? seriously? dude. well, it's better than 4. i guess.
the church has also unveiled the new nano, which, frankly, is busted. damn thing is a hobbit-- the frodo of the ipod! but it has video capabilities, so there you go. also, they're keeping the classic ipod, which they've called, um, the ipod classic. you can get an 80GB for $250 and a 160GB for $350. so if you're cool w/ the older ipod's classic look, and more concerned about storage capabilities, then this ipod is your best bet.
i've never owned an ipod, which is strange because i'm obsessed w/ music, but i was usually spending any extra funds i had on gear and the like. i tried to buy a nano when they came out in '05, but that first week they were impossible to get a hold of. eventually i just gave up and bought a bass. but now i know why i heretofore have never bought an ipod: it's because i was meant to buy this one.
christ. must suck to be a zune owner right now. hahahaha.
note: this image is from the indispensable powerhause engadget. if any of the proprietors of engadget want me to take this image down, email my ass.
fixation
"23," by blonde redhead, is the only song i've listened to for the past two days. i wonder how long it'll last before i tire of it. or, just maybe, it'll be one of those rare songs that never gets old.
wherein i officially become a right d-bag
10 more hours till the new ipod (possibly "ipod touch") is revealed. believe it or not, it'll be the first ipod i own. provided, of course, that it's awesome and looks sufficiently sexy. so this is very exciting for me (only because everything else in my life is in total shambles).
8.25.2007
because indie rock sucks
metal up yr ass.
megadeth: "wake up dead"
on the ARRM (awesomely rad riff meter), "wake up dead" scores a 9.5. nearly every riff is rad, particularly at the -2:34 to -1:54 mark and (especially) the last riff at -0:59 to end.
metallica: "the prince"
here are those dinosaurs covering diamond head's "the prince." it was from a 2004 show, so it's kinda old, kinda tired, but it's competent. in a word: dad. hammett sounds like fucking rubbish. his solo at the beginning is embarrassing. and lars. well, it's lars. poor grandpa looks like he's about to keel over. anyway, "the prince" is about a 8.5 on the ARRM. every riff is rad, but not the raddest.
now, contrast that with:
metallica: blackened"
christ all effing mighty, what happened? the boys are playing "blackened," easily a 10.0, back in 1989. it's unnerving how good they were. the rage (most likely because of death of cliff burton) is palpable. james hetfield looks like he's about to pummel the shit out of someone. they're a laughingstock now, both their music and public image, but there was a time when metallica were a force to be fucked w/.
bonus:
14-year-old jacqueline mannering playing the solo from "blackened." pretty good, pretty good. i was way better at that age, but you know. i'm kidding. (not really.)
celtic frost: "into the crypt of rays"
here's everyone favorite thrash/proto-black metal outfit, celtic frost, performing the classic "into the crypt of rays" on some whack-ass swiss tv show. a solid 9.0, for sure. every riff slaps the step-child, but still not quite the raddest. i have to give thomas fischer cred for headbanging between every verse, though.
bonus: the frost's cover of "mexican radio." not nearly as good as the original, but a chuckle-worthy novelty nevertheless.
slayer: "angel of death"
easily a 10.0. the riff after the second chorus-- tell me that shit doesn't make you wanna hit something. even public enemy had to sample it. actually, dave lombardo's sick fucking drumming elevates this to a 12.0-- on a riff meter! it's that metal!
the dillinger escape plan: "sugar-coated sour"
another 10.0. every riff is masterful. but this is really a drumming song. the guitars and drums are a punishing machine. even though the drummer himself is a right d-bag.
carcass: "heartwork"
every riff in this song is a 9.5, but the verse riff elevates it to a 10. best played at extremely loud volume.
accept: "balls to the wall"
oh, man. the riffs, the leather, the fatigues, the Vs, and udo. the sheer germanness of it all! this is shit is so metal i feel ionized just watching the vid. when i was younger i thought they were saying "wolf blitzer" in the chorus. not really, but it sounded good and funny enough so i still way it when i sing along. easily a 15. it just doesn't get any more metal than accept, it's that simple.
and there you have it. some of the raddest riffs in metal. tell yr mom i say what up.
megadeth: "wake up dead"
on the ARRM (awesomely rad riff meter), "wake up dead" scores a 9.5. nearly every riff is rad, particularly at the -2:34 to -1:54 mark and (especially) the last riff at -0:59 to end.
metallica: "the prince"
here are those dinosaurs covering diamond head's "the prince." it was from a 2004 show, so it's kinda old, kinda tired, but it's competent. in a word: dad. hammett sounds like fucking rubbish. his solo at the beginning is embarrassing. and lars. well, it's lars. poor grandpa looks like he's about to keel over. anyway, "the prince" is about a 8.5 on the ARRM. every riff is rad, but not the raddest.
now, contrast that with:
metallica: blackened"
christ all effing mighty, what happened? the boys are playing "blackened," easily a 10.0, back in 1989. it's unnerving how good they were. the rage (most likely because of death of cliff burton) is palpable. james hetfield looks like he's about to pummel the shit out of someone. they're a laughingstock now, both their music and public image, but there was a time when metallica were a force to be fucked w/.
bonus:
14-year-old jacqueline mannering playing the solo from "blackened." pretty good, pretty good. i was way better at that age, but you know. i'm kidding. (not really.)
celtic frost: "into the crypt of rays"
here's everyone favorite thrash/proto-black metal outfit, celtic frost, performing the classic "into the crypt of rays" on some whack-ass swiss tv show. a solid 9.0, for sure. every riff slaps the step-child, but still not quite the raddest. i have to give thomas fischer cred for headbanging between every verse, though.
bonus: the frost's cover of "mexican radio." not nearly as good as the original, but a chuckle-worthy novelty nevertheless.
slayer: "angel of death"
easily a 10.0. the riff after the second chorus-- tell me that shit doesn't make you wanna hit something. even public enemy had to sample it. actually, dave lombardo's sick fucking drumming elevates this to a 12.0-- on a riff meter! it's that metal!
the dillinger escape plan: "sugar-coated sour"
another 10.0. every riff is masterful. but this is really a drumming song. the guitars and drums are a punishing machine. even though the drummer himself is a right d-bag.
carcass: "heartwork"
every riff in this song is a 9.5, but the verse riff elevates it to a 10. best played at extremely loud volume.
accept: "balls to the wall"
oh, man. the riffs, the leather, the fatigues, the Vs, and udo. the sheer germanness of it all! this is shit is so metal i feel ionized just watching the vid. when i was younger i thought they were saying "wolf blitzer" in the chorus. not really, but it sounded good and funny enough so i still way it when i sing along. easily a 15. it just doesn't get any more metal than accept, it's that simple.
and there you have it. some of the raddest riffs in metal. tell yr mom i say what up.
8.24.2007
huh?
i don't get it. seriously, what is the big fucking deal w/ this chick? is it because she was, until a few days ago, underage? is it because she resembles jon benet? is it because we're a schizophrenic society that purports to despise pedophiles, yet sexualizes kids?
all pedophilia implications aside, i reckon i'd find it hard to find the appeal if she were, say, 24. maybe then she'll look different, more like a woman, but when you boil it down, she's just another nondescript blonde. maybe growing up in orange county has raised my tolerance to this kind of thing, but nah, probably not. em is blonde. but then, em is hot.
but maybe i'm the weirdo for finding her age and resemblance to a child beauty queen a turn-off.
8.22.2007
another m.i.a. interview, and another reason to buy/subscribe to radar
very interesting interview w/ m.i.a. in the new issue of radar. you can read a little bit of it here.
Have you felt pressure to be less outspoken?is there anyone cooler in music today? i think not!
It's a double-edged sword, always. I don't feel lucky that I can't get into the U.S. I guess that's what happens when you choose to say something other than, "My humps, my humps, my humps." Yeah, if you have something to say, you pay the price, but it's an interesting lesson for us all. When I talk about politics, I talk about them as a daughter of somebody who was persecuted because of them. My experience with the government was discovering things like, because of them, maybe my cousin was killed. My aunt was in a refugee camp. My uncle was arrested for selling magazines. These are the stories I heard growing up. I'd hear how my neighbors got tortured to death, my cousin was hung upside down on a van and beaten. So I was always vexed about politics, and then suddenly you watch the news in London and hear that your freedom is being taken away there as well. Not just that I couldn't get on the Tube because bin Laden was going to bomb us, but having to, like, justify all these sodding two-hour airport security checks, and being treated different. I call that shit. It's useless. London is a beautiful, multicultural place, and after the 7/7 bombings it became ruled by unspoken prejudice.
8.21.2007
ain't talkin' 'bout love
i'll always love eddie van halen's music and i'll always respect what he's done for the guitar, but personally i find the man himself to be cretinous. on the eve of their big reunion tour w/ diamond dave (bibbidy bop!), van halen have, inexplicably, decided to delete ex-bassist michael anthony from their history. why? when it comes to van halen, who the fuck knows why? evh has been fucked out of his skull for years, his brother is apparently the biggest sycophant in rock history, and i'm sure roth is aware he had better keep his yap shut lest he loses out on the millions this tour will no doubt rake in. as others on blabbermouth have said, this is a trainwreck and where it stops, how gruesome it'll get, and how many will go down in flames is yet to be determined. but rest assured it will happen. i'd like to think evh is digging his grave w/ this kind of sociopathic behavior, but methinks the hordes of middle-aged, acid-washed rockers will be too drenched in their jager-soaked nostalgia to vote w/ their feet on this one.
"that crunchy part's the thorax"
i'm obsessed w/ this pepsis wasp now, a.k.a, the tarantula hawk. first of all, they're beautiful. second, they get drunk off fermented fruit. but the real clincher for me is what it does to tarantulas. get a load of this madness:
A female wasp finds a tarantula by smell. Generally, she scampers across the ground to locate a burrow. She will enter the burrow and expel the spider, then attack it. She may also encounter a male tarantula during his search for a mate. In an attack, the wasp uses her antennae to probe the spider, which may raise its front legs and bare its fangs. (A tarantula does not always counterattack.) She then attempts to sting the spider. She might seize the spider by a leg, flip it over on its back and sting it, or she may approach from the side to deliver a sting. Once stung, the tarantula becomes paralyzed within seconds. The condition will last for the remainder of its life. The wasp may drink the body fluids oozing from the spider’s wounds or from its mouth to replenish nutrients and water she used during the attack.remember that the next time someone uses "it's natural" to justify something. now for some videos:
If the wasp expelled her victim, she will drag it back into its own burrow, now a burial vault, lay a single egg on the spider’s abdomen, then seal the chamber. If the wasp succeeds in stinging a male tarantula on a mating hunt, she will excavate a burrow, drag the paralyzed spider inside, lay her single egg, and seal the chamber.
Once the egg hatches, the tiny grub, initially connected to the spider by the tip of its tail, bends over, attaches its head and begins to suck. It continues sucking until its final moult. It then rips open the spider's abdomen, thrusts its head and part of the thorax inside, and "feeds ravenously," as one entomologist described it. As one might hope, even for a spider, the tarantula at this point is finally dead.
the fight
the kill
the schlep.
be sure to watch these before you go to sleep. (next to a feather duster that will lightly graze your arm as you nod off, causing you to jolt up in abject arm-flailing hysteria.)
snap!
did you know there's a fucking pain index!? check it-- the schmidt sting pain index. it's a "pain scale rating the relative pain caused by different Hymenopteran stings" (hymenopteran are ants, wasps, and shit like that).
but check out the scale:
you can go ahead and thank me for not making a joke about the ultimate level of pain being "chuck norris," described as, "more painful than watching christ himself backhand your mother like a snaggle-toothed hooker."
*these maniacs eat tarantulas! ain't that some shit? a wasp that eats tarantulas. nature is some fucked up shit.
but check out the scale:
- 1.0 Sweat bee: Light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.
- 1.2 Fire ant: Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet & reaching for the light switch.
- 1.8 Bullhorn acacia ant: A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.
- 2.0 Bald-faced hornet: Rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door.
- 2.0 Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine WC Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.
- 2.x Honey bee and European hornet: Like a matchhead that flips off and burns on your skin.
- 3.0 Red harvester ant: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.
- 3.0 Paper wasp: Caustic & burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of Hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.
- 4.0 Pepsis wasp: Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath (if you get stung by one you might as well lie down and scream).
- 4.0+ Bullet ant: Pure, intense, brilliant pain. Like walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch nail in your heel
you can go ahead and thank me for not making a joke about the ultimate level of pain being "chuck norris," described as, "more painful than watching christ himself backhand your mother like a snaggle-toothed hooker."
*these maniacs eat tarantulas! ain't that some shit? a wasp that eats tarantulas. nature is some fucked up shit.
8.17.2007
casey kasem tantrum
crap, it took me like nearly 6 mins. to find this clip. it's casey kasem freaking out about doing a dedication to some family's dog (snuggles!). he wigs out because he's got to transition from some shitty upbeat pop song into a death dedication. you gotta admit he has a point.
trv cvlt
well, shit, i've literally listened to nothing but the entire darkthrone discography all week. okay, that's not true-- i've taken some "wuss breaks" to jam along to "chocolate rain" here and there, but other than, it's been strictly 'throne. anyway, so you know what that means: videos.
this is a pretty boring video for "transylvanian hunger," but the song is a classic.
and here's nocturno culto, guitarist/vocalist, discussing the band's studio set up, complete w/ "whole pizza."
this is a pretty boring video for "transylvanian hunger," but the song is a classic.
and here's nocturno culto, guitarist/vocalist, discussing the band's studio set up, complete w/ "whole pizza."
8.12.2007
tractate it
i just finished reading philip k. dick's valis. fuck. i'm not even going to try to summarize that shit, save to say that it's like that one night when i smoked weed that was, unbeknownst to me, laced w/ angel dust (in which i saw a pink elephant, not a pink laser, alas). pkd is often called a science fiction writer, and while valis has vague elements of the genre, it's more accurate to think of it as a hallucinogenic fever dream. set in orange county.
good, good stuff. best book i've read in years, by far. but then, i have a soft spot for art that tries to capture that elusive drug-induced hallucinogenic state. call it my bid for nostalgia. from now on, whenever bizarre shit goes down, i'm going to declare it "all valis."
good, good stuff. best book i've read in years, by far. but then, i have a soft spot for art that tries to capture that elusive drug-induced hallucinogenic state. call it my bid for nostalgia. from now on, whenever bizarre shit goes down, i'm going to declare it "all valis."
8.10.2007
more video nostalgia
that "jessie" video got me in the mood for some '90s rock vids.
for your viewing/listening pleasure:
alice in chains: "would?"
this video always reminds me of the big bear/landers earthquake.
soundgarden: "rusty cage"
he's a bit of a douche now, but chris cornell, for a time, was a songsmith to be reckoned w/. this is definitely one of the funnest songs to play on guitar. and on bass. and drums. and to sing.
kyuss: "green machine"
blues for the red sun was another teenage staple. "capsized," despite being less than a minute in length, is one of the most beautiful songs ever. this video always reminds me of skating in huntington beach.
candlebox: "you"
stfu, this song is awesome.
afghan whigs: "debonair"
one of the rare videos that doesn't seem gay ten years later.
therapy?: "screamager"
the day-glo instruments give this a bit of an '80s feel.
porno for pyros: "cursed female"
i remember liking this video a lot when i first saw it. watching it now, years and years later, i think it's one of the best music videos ever made.
for your viewing/listening pleasure:
alice in chains: "would?"
this video always reminds me of the big bear/landers earthquake.
soundgarden: "rusty cage"
he's a bit of a douche now, but chris cornell, for a time, was a songsmith to be reckoned w/. this is definitely one of the funnest songs to play on guitar. and on bass. and drums. and to sing.
kyuss: "green machine"
blues for the red sun was another teenage staple. "capsized," despite being less than a minute in length, is one of the most beautiful songs ever. this video always reminds me of skating in huntington beach.
candlebox: "you"
stfu, this song is awesome.
afghan whigs: "debonair"
one of the rare videos that doesn't seem gay ten years later.
therapy?: "screamager"
the day-glo instruments give this a bit of an '80s feel.
porno for pyros: "cursed female"
i remember liking this video a lot when i first saw it. watching it now, years and years later, i think it's one of the best music videos ever made.
paw's "jessie"
man, paw was fucking awesome. definitely one of the top three underrated bands of the '90s. how many bands today would write a song about a dog and perform it like their fucking lives depended on it? undertow's been a staple since i was a youngin and hasn't aged a bit. auralgasm at the end of the second chorus w/ the introduction of a pedal steel guitar. simply, there isn't a more beautiful instrument than the pedal steel.
8.09.2007
aaron, why do you hate brett ratner?
well, since you asked, i'll tell you. first, i don't "hate" him; i just think he's douchey. for three basic reasons: first and foremost, his movies fucking blow. even michael bay is better at that schlocky shit than ratner is. ratner's movies are just painful to watch. w/ bay, you can't expect to see anything other than shit being blown up. if you expect more than that, you're a fool. but ratner tries to be more and, bluntly, he isn't.
second, he's a rich kid. his mother was a socialite and that no doubt had an effect on his success (the privileged look out for its own). do fratboys have to run everything?
third, he fucking wanted to direct a remake of the killing of a chinese bookie. bookie is my favorite film. ever. anyone who remakes that movie runs the risk of having his throat slit by me. most recognize that you cannot remake a film like bookie. most, save, for brett fucking ratner. brett fucking ratner remaking bookie is like good charlotte covering hendrix's "machine gun." not only is it wrong, it's stupid. it's a complete misjudgment of abilities; a monstrously gross lack of self-awareness. the sort of misjudgment that arises when one is totally consumed by one's ego.
so there you go. my reasons for finding ratner douchey.
second, he's a rich kid. his mother was a socialite and that no doubt had an effect on his success (the privileged look out for its own). do fratboys have to run everything?
third, he fucking wanted to direct a remake of the killing of a chinese bookie. bookie is my favorite film. ever. anyone who remakes that movie runs the risk of having his throat slit by me. most recognize that you cannot remake a film like bookie. most, save, for brett fucking ratner. brett fucking ratner remaking bookie is like good charlotte covering hendrix's "machine gun." not only is it wrong, it's stupid. it's a complete misjudgment of abilities; a monstrously gross lack of self-awareness. the sort of misjudgment that arises when one is totally consumed by one's ego.
so there you go. my reasons for finding ratner douchey.
another nugget of celebrity wisdom
apparently, today is brilliant celebrity quotes day. this next one, on relationships and male biology, comes from kate hudson, the gena rowlands of our time. quoth:
"As primal beings, men are not supposed to be monogamous.
"When people ask, 'Do you believe in monogamy?' Well, of course that's what you want.
"But part of what I love about men is that it's hard for them to be monogamous.
"Women, I think, need to spend more time understanding men than changing men.
"And vice versa."
wow. so deep. so deep. see, what she's saying is, men are biologically incapable of monogamy. in the spirit of kate's great logic, i'm going to cease shitting in the toilet. because shitting in the toilet isn't natural. from here on out, it's turds in the trousers-- wherever, whenever. wait! no more trousers, either! trousers aren't natural! and sometimes it is hard not to shit your pants. you're hurtin' and you're squirtin' and a potty isn't at the ready-- these things happen. so to avoid that mess altogether, why not just give up that "whole bathroom" thing? god. so simple. so. just-- empowering. thanks, kate.
terrence howard, decidedly not down w/ the funk
good eve and god bless.
the most beautiful thing in nature, terrence "smooove-rrence" howard, has spoken. and women, you had better listen up:
"I like women who look like me. Generally, you're attracted to women who look like you, because the most beautiful thing in nature is your own reflection."
absolutely.
"If a relationship is built on sexuality, it won't last long. Now I'm completely chaste through a relationship unless I get married. I don't believe in premarital sex. It enabled me to date three or four women at the same time, because as long as I wasn't having sex with them, I could always just walk away."
this is so true. as long as i'm not beautifully inserting my manwand into her, thereby purifying her, i can easily walk away. it's only after she's ensnared me in her nefarious, filthy web w/ sexual compromises, that i find it difficult to cut the succubus loose.
"There were some [past girlfriends] who pushed for sex, and sometimes they won. Afterward, I would feel unclean, like I'd compromised my own values. So I would have to let them go because they didn't help me to be a stronger person."
truth be told, it's near impossible to be truly clean as long as you're within 50 feet of a woman. but pre-marital sex is mos def the filthiest act imaginable. silky-beautiful, true cleanliness is only achieved when 2 b-come 1 through holy union. the man is more pure, the penis being the purifying instrument (pe-nis, n. latin: shaftus radius), but the man is only slightly more pure than the woman. true, holy purity is only attainable through holy union. that, and baby wipes:
"Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go in a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean."
this, i feel, speaks for itself.
"I was in love with her, but she was not in love with me. I can't be upset because she doesn't find me the most beautiful thing on the planet."
woman is a fool. as hard as it is to believe, this has happened to me as well. in fact, i'm not sure em finds me the most beautiful-silky thing on the planet. but she is unclean.
link
link
8.08.2007
yeah, but can you press buttons?
i'm not cool enough to play guitar hero, so i just have to play one of those "real" guitars, like the one over there to the left (to the left-- k, sorry). not quite sure how the thing was able to up and sit itself on the edge of the futon-- found it a bit strange myself. anyway, this beaut plays like a dream. i drive everyone within earshot crazy w/ my constant tapping and pinch harmonics, but fuck 'em-- fuckin' rock n' roll, man.head over to the flickr page for more pr0n.
8.07.2007
oh no they dihn't!
apple's blurb for the new imac:
"you can't be too thin"
yeah, so as everyone already knew, apple unveiled the new imac. and, as everyone already knew, its update was largely cosmetic; however the specs aren't anything to sneeze at (320GB in the higher-end 20-inch? really? and firewire 800?). after i've had all day for it sink in, i have to say i think it looks cool, but i'm not sitting here glaring at my 17-inch imac and muttering, you worthless piece of shit. in fact, i'm still quite fond of the thing.
what i like: the specs, the aluminum, the black back casing, the black border around the screen
what i fucking don't like: glossy screen
it's this last point that really kills it for me. i hate glossy screens. one thing i love about my computer is its matte screen. thing is fucking radder than fuck. someone at macrumors posited a theory, and i'm apt to believe this, that apple put glossy screens on this imac to deter hardcore professionals from buying them (and cutting into mac pro sales).
if i was still shopping around for a mac i would probably buy this new imac. like i said, the glossy screen kills it for me, but i need the space for the shit i do. as it is, i'm definitely going to have to upgrade to a pro at some point when i have around $3,000 to spend lavishly. for audio and video shit, you mos def need one of those beasts (16 fucking GB of ram possible), especially if you're going to run pro tools, reason, ableton live, final cut, etc. and similar programs. the imac is really apple's simple home desktop machine. plus, the imac was my first mac and i didn't want to go all hogwild, even though i've used pros in the studio before.
anyway, i'm feeling pretty gay and geeky at this point, so i'll shut it. one thing that did catch my eye, though: the new keyboard. might have to pick one of those puppies up this weekend.
update: engadget has a bevy of imac pr0n.
"you can't be too thin"
yeah, so as everyone already knew, apple unveiled the new imac. and, as everyone already knew, its update was largely cosmetic; however the specs aren't anything to sneeze at (320GB in the higher-end 20-inch? really? and firewire 800?). after i've had all day for it sink in, i have to say i think it looks cool, but i'm not sitting here glaring at my 17-inch imac and muttering, you worthless piece of shit. in fact, i'm still quite fond of the thing.
what i like: the specs, the aluminum, the black back casing, the black border around the screen
what i fucking don't like: glossy screen
it's this last point that really kills it for me. i hate glossy screens. one thing i love about my computer is its matte screen. thing is fucking radder than fuck. someone at macrumors posited a theory, and i'm apt to believe this, that apple put glossy screens on this imac to deter hardcore professionals from buying them (and cutting into mac pro sales).
if i was still shopping around for a mac i would probably buy this new imac. like i said, the glossy screen kills it for me, but i need the space for the shit i do. as it is, i'm definitely going to have to upgrade to a pro at some point when i have around $3,000 to spend lavishly. for audio and video shit, you mos def need one of those beasts (16 fucking GB of ram possible), especially if you're going to run pro tools, reason, ableton live, final cut, etc. and similar programs. the imac is really apple's simple home desktop machine. plus, the imac was my first mac and i didn't want to go all hogwild, even though i've used pros in the studio before.
anyway, i'm feeling pretty gay and geeky at this point, so i'll shut it. one thing that did catch my eye, though: the new keyboard. might have to pick one of those puppies up this weekend.
update: engadget has a bevy of imac pr0n.
i've a feeling i'm about to get annoyed
apple is about to unveil its new thing-- whatever it is. most of the rumors have speculated that it's a new imac. these rumors focused mainly on cosmetic updates, which calmed me, being as i bought a new imac a couple of months ago for school and i don't really care if the new imac is aluminum or whatever. however, some have said that the new imacs may come equipped w/ a blu-ray drive, which, if true, will make me a very surly fuck.
oh, well. as my brother said, "there's always craigslist."
oh, well. as my brother said, "there's always craigslist."
8.06.2007
navigating the intertextual landscapes of thicketed perpetuity (the throes of a turkish loggerheads) a.k.a, academic rockstars
i don't know about you, but i get a kick out of postmodern writing. well, i should qualify that: i get a kick out of it when it "deconstructs" pop culture. take this popmatters article on martin scorsese, for example. quoth:
When any eager genrephile, from a rank and file movie-goer to a film scholar, tries to pigeonhole a Martin Scorsese film into a neat category, their attempts are almost unilaterally frustrated. Testosterone-laden male youths view his works as action “flicks” replete with headshot gratification, the older set looks upon his oeuvre as a chain of endlessly amorphous dramas that exposes the underbelly of society, and the 21st century intelligentsia waves the banner of Lyotard and calls Scorsese a filmmaker deeply entrenched in the postmodern aesthetic.further:However, I find that Scorsese’s work is too complex—indeed polysemy is the very core of Scorsese’s filmmaking—to be satisfactorily subsumed under such simplistic headings. I posit, as an alternative, that Scorsese’s cinema is an admixture of distinct renderings of each of his respective narratives: that of hyperrealism and that of neo-realism. Through a mosaic of simulacra, a hyperbole, a-canonical plot structure, and a salient omission of clear protagonist antagonist demarcations, Scorsese creates what a sort of “grotesque neo-realism”. The dualistic nature of this style is precisely what has allowed Marty, as he is affectionately referred to by fans, to sit astride the division between popular and art filmmaking, and endlessly confound viewers who try to reduce his work to a singularity.
A true taxonomy of every outrageous performance in a Martin Scorsese piece would rival the length of the combined credits of his oeuvre. Directing actors to play their characters in this manner, Scorsese’s players become archetypal grotesques. His figures play parodies of themselves and their baroque identities flesh out his diegeses as hyperreal. For virtuality to be fully constructed, it is insufficient for the world alone to be markedly simulated. The characters must be as well. In this way, Scorsese points his discursive finger at his viewers and safe-guards his schema from being misinterpreted as reifying the world as hyperreal. Rather, Scorsese shows his manifold of simulacra to be progeny of the figures which people his diegeses.
Here we will break from the topic of the grotesque and advance to that of the neo-real. This latter component rescues Scorsese’s films from the threat of absurdism and masterfully transfigures his exaggerated worlds into ones which viewers may relate to. This is not to say that Scorsese’s wielding of neo-realism immerses the audience in the diegesis and welds their humors to the sentiment of the film; spectators are rarely emotionally attached to Scorsese’s works. Rather, viewers are safely distanced from empathy by characters who are boors at best and alien environments such as the world of taxi drivers and aristocratic 19th century New York. However, the true faculty of Scorsese’s neo-realism is to ground his otherwise baroque narratives in some semblance of humanity. This serves as the bridge between the hyperreal and the everyday experience of members of the audience. As imitation of their reality, the neo-real aspect suggests that perhaps the hyperreal (with which it is conflated) is also a mirror of the viewers’ world.
good god, what hideous nonsense! has someone been reading baudrillard lately? yes? and now we feel the need to show off, hmm? very well. tragically, this article makes very little sense, simply because postmodernism itself is nonsensical. yet no matter how severe its grotesquerie, i'm never hard-pressed not to find chuckle-worthy gems. but it's not even that postmodernism fails to make sense so much as it gussies up very pedestrian ideologies in fancy words. take baudrillard's "hyperreality" bit-- basically, it's just fake environments, like las vegas. but instead of simply saying that, he had to coin a new term and drench it in tirelessly abstract, opaque prose.
the biggest offender, and possibly one of the grandest douchebags of the 21st century, is slavoj zizek. for an example of such buffoonery, i bring you his myspace "about me":
In Cyberspace all positive properties are externalized in the sense that everything you are in a positive sense, all your features can be manipulated. When one plays in virtual space I can for example be a homosexual man who pretends to be a heterosexual woman, or whatever: either I can build a new identity for myself or in a more paranoiac way, I am somehow already controlled, manipulated by the digital space.
this is not even syntactical, but whatever. again, it's somehow too proletariat simply to say: "i can bullshit online much like how i do in the classroom," but that would be too boring. and i find the whole "swinger" distinction frightening (please don't haunt me in my dreams).
but i do give postmodernists, and zizek in particular, credit for building careers out of shamelessly bullshitting people. hey, we all gotta hustle, right?
8.03.2007
don't make me spit at you + then get annoyed when you cry about it
i know, you've always wondered, have i got asperger's? well, now you can find out! i scored a 17, which makes me an "average female scientist." scores over 32 "are generally taken to indicate Asperger's Syndrome or high-functioning autism, with more than 34 an 'extreme' score.'"
via edward champion.
via edward champion.
afflict the comfortable
damn! m.i.a. delivers the smackdown in her interview w/ richdork media:
well, could be that it's not just a sexism issue-- there's also class to consider. i think this is why lily allen has become so popular amongst scene types + why m.i.a has become "played out." allen took m.i.a.'s basic template + stripped it of its grit, its balls, its originality + injected it w/ a bratty sense of privileged entitlement. since music is more about identity than anything else/ w scenesters, allen is much more appealing, as she is privileged, white, narcissistic, etc-- everything the majority of scenesters are. she's not weird + alien-looking like m.i.a. is. sure, m.i.a. has an exotic appeal, but that is a simple novelty.
anyway, i've always dug m.i.a.'s music, but now i have a whole new respect for her as a person. i can't wait for her new album-- it'll be money well spent.
Pitchfork: So tell me a bit about Kala. I just heard it for the first time today, and--dayamn, girl. loves it. of course, the rich dorks over at stereogum, do not love it. their post on this is entitled "bigmouth strikes again," because heaven fucking forbid someone (read: a brown woman from a third-world country) say something that doesn't sit well w/ scene politics. lily allen, of course, can say + do anything she pleases, no matter how revolting, simply because she's a privileged white kid. don't you just love these "liberal" scene people? anyway, she goes on to say:M.I.A.: Diplo didn't make it.
Pitchfork: Uh, what?
M.I.A.: He never made Arular, but you guys keep writing it.
Pitchfork: 'He' being Diplo?
M.I.A.: You're not listening to me at all, are you?
Pitchfork: I'm trying. It's a little hard to hear you.
M.I.A.: Forget what I said. [Pauses] What do you think I said?
Pitchfork: I heard you say something to the effect of "he didn't make Arular and he also didn't make this record." I'm wondering who you're referring to, though I could take a wild guess.
M.I.A.: Yesterday I read like five magazines in the airplane-- it was a nine hour flight-- and three out of five magazines said "Diplo: the mastermind behind M.I.A.'s politics!" And I was wondering, does that stem from [Pitchfork]? Because I find it really bonkers.
Pitchfork: Well, it's hard to say where it originated. We certainly have made reference to Diplo playing a part on your records, but it seems like everyone plays that up.
M.I.A.: If you read the credits, he sent me a loop for "Bucky Done Gun", and I made a song in London, and it became "Bucky Done Gun". But that was the only song he was actually involved in on Arular. So the whole time I've had immigration problems and not been able to get in the country, what I am or what I do has got a life of its own, and is becoming less and less to do with me. And I just find it a bit upsetting and kind of insulting that I can't have any ideas on my own because I'm a female or that people from undeveloped countries can't have ideas of their own unless it's backed up by someone who's blond-haired and blue-eyed. After the first time it's cool, the second time it's cool, but after like the third, fourth, fifth time, maybe it's an issue that we need to talk about, maybe that's something important, you know.
There is an issue especially with what male journalists write about me and say "this MUST have come from a guy." I can understand that, I can follow that, that's fine. But when female journalists as well put your work and things down to it being all coming from a man, that really fucks me up. It's bullshit. I mean, for me especially, I felt like this is the only thing I have, and if I can stick my neck out and go for the issues and go through my life as it is, the least I can have is my creativity.
well, could be that it's not just a sexism issue-- there's also class to consider. i think this is why lily allen has become so popular amongst scene types + why m.i.a has become "played out." allen took m.i.a.'s basic template + stripped it of its grit, its balls, its originality + injected it w/ a bratty sense of privileged entitlement. since music is more about identity than anything else/ w scenesters, allen is much more appealing, as she is privileged, white, narcissistic, etc-- everything the majority of scenesters are. she's not weird + alien-looking like m.i.a. is. sure, m.i.a. has an exotic appeal, but that is a simple novelty.
anyway, i've always dug m.i.a.'s music, but now i have a whole new respect for her as a person. i can't wait for her new album-- it'll be money well spent.
8.02.2007
wow wow wow, seriously seriously?
the world's most dangerous fucking band, the yeah yeah yeahs, on their new ep, is is, have a new song called "rockers to swallow"; obviously, the most awesome song title ever. "rockers to swallow." wow. amazing. almost as good as is is. this band is just so rad. never heard anything like them before. ever. new york city is so fucking cool, dude. all that talent. anybody who doesn't live there is such a loser.
7.31.2007
the institutionalized man
charles manson, the father of reality television.
who does he remind you of?
who does he remind you of?
i really hope herzog isn't next
Michelangelo Antonioni, one of the most innovative and distinctive film-makers of the 20th century, has died at the age of 94. The Italian director died at his home in Rome on Monday evening, less than 24 hours after the death of Ingmar Bergman - that other great giant of European art-house cinema.
via the guardian.
i just got into antonioni, having purchased the passenger recently w/ out ever having seen it. it seemed like one of those rare films you could take a gamble on + be paid handsomely. needless to say, it was a risk worth taking.
7.30.2007
(insert some pun on a van halen song title here)
bring back glam has three clips of all three incarnations of van halen performing "ain't talkin' 'bout love" live. the first clip is w/ gary cherone, the second w/ hagar, and the third w/ roth. cherone, whose era was notoriously ill-advised, is easily the worst. he's an interesting performer to watch, but his voice is weak. it sucks because the dude had immeasurable odds stacked against him. it's bad enough to have to fill roth's shoes, but roth's and hagar's? as much as i dig evh for what he's done w/ guitar, it's basically impossible to deny the fact that all the derision in van halen is most likely because of him. if you're in a band + you go through three lead singers, what is the constant in that equation? now even michael anthony is out of the band. the only people evh can get along w/ on any longterm basis seem to be blood relatives. i say these things because evh changed the way people approached rock guitar + it'd be rad if the dude could give us some more music before he keels over. as a guitar player, it's damned near impossible not to be influenced by him in some way. even if you hate him + his style, you're still affected by him. anyway, for me hagar will always be the best vocalist of the three, but as far as all that pure rock n' roll shit goes, roth is easily the quintessential van halen frontman. the band sounds the best in the roth-era clip (alex is going overkill w/ kick drum-- you're not in krisiun, dude), even though roth himself approaches the vocals as a sort of afterthought-- wowee, i'm sooooo getting head tonight by an 18-year-old-- oh, fuck: looks like i missed that chorus. zow, can i get some panties in my face or what!?
take me to the moor
i'm bored, feeling retarded, and unable to focus on schoolwork, of which i have a shitload to do. i'm listening to the smiths, so here is my top 10 list of smith songs:
10. panic
9. handsome devil
8. some girls are bigger than others
7. please please let me get what i want
6. this charming man
5. the headmaster ritual
4. how soon is now?
3. oscillate wildly
2. last night i dreamt that somebody loved me
1. suffer little children
i know i left out some "fan faves" but for me, these songs are the band's best. i also realize that "how soon is now?" is played out, but i can't help it-- it was the song that turned me onto the band. i was all of 11 or 12 when my older brother came under morrissey's spell, yet i found his whining deplorable. but try as hard as i might, "how soon is now?" became something of an obsession of mine. these days, though, i prefer the single release of the song-- not only is it succinct, but i think its edit is more effective than the studio version.
10. panic
9. handsome devil
8. some girls are bigger than others
7. please please let me get what i want
6. this charming man
5. the headmaster ritual
4. how soon is now?
3. oscillate wildly
2. last night i dreamt that somebody loved me
1. suffer little children
i know i left out some "fan faves" but for me, these songs are the band's best. i also realize that "how soon is now?" is played out, but i can't help it-- it was the song that turned me onto the band. i was all of 11 or 12 when my older brother came under morrissey's spell, yet i found his whining deplorable. but try as hard as i might, "how soon is now?" became something of an obsession of mine. these days, though, i prefer the single release of the song-- not only is it succinct, but i think its edit is more effective than the studio version.
tom snyder
tom snyder died yesterday. here he is interviewing john lydon + keith levene.
part II:
lydon is his usual warm, comedic self whilst levene is high out of his skull + resembles something along the lines of a frightened pomeranian.
snyder, the poor bastard, had no idea what he was getting himself into messing about w/ lydon's nuttiness. he + lydon have some terrific back-and-forth at about the 3:34 mark in the first clip where snyder asks why pil is so against rock n' roll, which, of course, prompts lydon to rant majestically on the subject. this, inevitably, segues into the sex pistols:
snyder: who thought of the name the sex pistols?
lydon: some animal. i can't remember. it doesn't matter, it's history.
snyder: well, i think history matters--
lydon: history does not matter. i mean, your program is called tomorrow. there must be a reason behind that.
snyder: unless we remember our yesterdays, there can be no tomorrows.
lydon: (mocking)
christ, were these two married or what?
in any event, this is riveting stuff. you rarely, if ever, see this sort of thing on tv anymore.
part II:
lydon is his usual warm, comedic self whilst levene is high out of his skull + resembles something along the lines of a frightened pomeranian.
snyder, the poor bastard, had no idea what he was getting himself into messing about w/ lydon's nuttiness. he + lydon have some terrific back-and-forth at about the 3:34 mark in the first clip where snyder asks why pil is so against rock n' roll, which, of course, prompts lydon to rant majestically on the subject. this, inevitably, segues into the sex pistols:
snyder: who thought of the name the sex pistols?
lydon: some animal. i can't remember. it doesn't matter, it's history.
snyder: well, i think history matters--
lydon: history does not matter. i mean, your program is called tomorrow. there must be a reason behind that.
snyder: unless we remember our yesterdays, there can be no tomorrows.
lydon: (mocking)
christ, were these two married or what?
in any event, this is riveting stuff. you rarely, if ever, see this sort of thing on tv anymore.
7.26.2007
i give up
are you a hipster? of course not. do you know anyone who identifies themselves as a hipster? anyone? no, right? yet supposedly hipsters are everywhere (well, "everywhere" if you live in or near a big city). so how can hipsters be everywhere if no one considers themselves one, probably doesn't consider any of their friends one, and, most important, actively despises them? face it, there's a good chance you're a goddamned hipster. to find out for sure, here's a checklist (since you + all your "non-hipster" friends are all about lists). if you're a hipster, you:
-have a strong opinion on cory kennedy
-have bought at least two things from urban outfitters
-have bought a thing or two from bustedtees, threadless or durkl
-have seen the brown bunny + have a strong opinion on it
-have a strong opinion on vice
-enjoy paper + nylon magazine
-either own or will own a mac
-have either lived in, will live in, or have a strong desire to live in (any or all of the following):
i. l.a.
ii. new york
iii. austin
iv. portland
v. tokyo
-know someone, or know someone who knows someone, who has modeled for american apparel
-are totally over american apparel + their "porn ads"
-are alarmed over all these new anti-smoking laws
-are known for your troubling drunk dialings
-own at least 5 pairs of sunglasses that take up around 70% of your face
-think the like is lame, but claim to love them because everyone else does
-hooked up w/ at least three people at that lcd soundsystem show
-would live in target if at all possible
-make fun of metro park but secretly wouldn't mind working there
-have been telling your friends that you're gonna beat the douche who jacked your visor, but we both know that you won't because you're afraid
-hate on paris but would bone her/hang out w/ her if you ever got the chance
-have lived on a steady diet of: pizza, beer, sushi, in-n-out (if you live in l.a.), pop rox, pixie stix, cupcakes, enchiladas, coke, and SSRIs for the past three years
-still wear your trucker hat around your room when no one's watching ("it's mesh, man-- it breathes!" it's okay, i understand)
-are so riddled w/ insecurity that you compensate by indulging in douchey behavior + mire every gesture + comment w/ so much irony that even you can't tell when you're being serious or not anymore
and lastly, but most importantly, you
-swear up + down that you're not a hipster
-have a strong opinion on cory kennedy
-have bought at least two things from urban outfitters
-have bought a thing or two from bustedtees, threadless or durkl
-have seen the brown bunny + have a strong opinion on it
-have a strong opinion on vice
-enjoy paper + nylon magazine
-either own or will own a mac
-have either lived in, will live in, or have a strong desire to live in (any or all of the following):
i. l.a.
ii. new york
iii. austin
iv. portland
v. tokyo
-know someone, or know someone who knows someone, who has modeled for american apparel
-are totally over american apparel + their "porn ads"
-are alarmed over all these new anti-smoking laws
-are known for your troubling drunk dialings
-own at least 5 pairs of sunglasses that take up around 70% of your face
-think the like is lame, but claim to love them because everyone else does
-hooked up w/ at least three people at that lcd soundsystem show
-would live in target if at all possible
-make fun of metro park but secretly wouldn't mind working there
-have been telling your friends that you're gonna beat the douche who jacked your visor, but we both know that you won't because you're afraid
-hate on paris but would bone her/hang out w/ her if you ever got the chance
-have lived on a steady diet of: pizza, beer, sushi, in-n-out (if you live in l.a.), pop rox, pixie stix, cupcakes, enchiladas, coke, and SSRIs for the past three years
-still wear your trucker hat around your room when no one's watching ("it's mesh, man-- it breathes!" it's okay, i understand)
-are so riddled w/ insecurity that you compensate by indulging in douchey behavior + mire every gesture + comment w/ so much irony that even you can't tell when you're being serious or not anymore
and lastly, but most importantly, you
-swear up + down that you're not a hipster
omfg l0llersk8z
how high is your threshold for pain? if astronomical, you might want to watch this infanticide of an interview wherein holly hunter is interviewed by someone whose college tuition was indeed money well spent.
"uh, so, like, remember when you were in the beatles?"
"yes."
pause.
"that was, like, uh, really amazing."
okay, it's like that, but worse.
"uh, so, like, remember when you were in the beatles?"
"yes."
pause.
"that was, like, uh, really amazing."
okay, it's like that, but worse.
7.24.2007
contemporary music isn't the only relevant music
here's public image ltd., aka, greatest band of the 20th century "second" only to every miles davis band, performing "careering" on tv. note the host's comment at the end of the clip.
and here they are giving a dreamlike rendition of "poptones." this is fucking astonishing-- not nearly long enough. they could've played this for an hour straight + i would be riveted.
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